If you commit any of these, your sex life will be in serious danger of burning in a lonely hell for the rest of eternity. No joke.

1. “Not now, I have a headache”

From this day forward and for all future reference, whenever you hear that you partner is experiencing a headache or any similar pain, rip your clothes off and get to work if care for them at all. Sexual activities increase levels of oxygen in the bloodstream, levels of oxytocin, endorphins (good stuff, look ‘em up), estrogen, testosterone and all sorts of other lovely things that reduce pain, including joint inflammation (arthritis), headaches and even menstrual cramps. I recommend starting out with a looooooong… session of gentle foreplay. A massage, fondling, gentle oral sex… I’m going to suppose you know where to take it from there.  If not, move on to the next articles after this. Oh, and do come up with another reason to avoid sex with your partner until you finally decide to quit the relationship. This one is really worn out and pathetic.

2. “I just don’t have the will for sex anymore.”
Psychology 101 teaches us about the phenomena of sensitization and habituation. You may have heard of these types of non-associative learning back in high school. We react to lack of and good or bad sexual experiences in a similar manner. The more and better sex you have, the higher your libido will soar. Long periods of abstinence aren’t healthy if you are at an age when you are simply meant to be sexually active and they will leave you with little to no desire for sex. Again, the production of the above listed hormones in the body will have your libido blooming in no time. It’s like riding a bike. Sure, it make take you a while to gather the nerve to jump back on it if it’s been a while, but in a few days it’ll be like you never got off of it (if you’re thinking what I’m thinking right now… you’re on the money). Fine, or maybe like you never got off on it. Altough I really don’t see how that applies to a bike.  o_O

3. “My partner can’t do this or that, doesn’t know where to touch me, what to do, yadda, yadda, yadda…”
Well there’s a load of cow dung if I ever saw one (and I have). It is customary in civilized society to get to know yourself before introducing yourself to someone else. Masturbation is a perfectly healthy and normal activity. Get to know your body. Yes, all of it and every bit. Walk around the house buck naked whenever you have the opportunity. Touch yourself. Fer cryin’ out loud, at least be relaxed with yourself sometimes. Try things out and get a feel for what you like. Seriously. Try out different positions for masturbation. Relax, no one’s going to see you doing it. Unless you want them to.Now there’s an idea for some nice foreplay.

4. “I feel ashamed.”
Now that is a problem. And I hear women feel this more often than men. First, let’s try what we mentioned under #3. Then, sit down and have a little talk with yourself. You simply aren’t being fair and respectful to yourself if you are denying your own body and mind of something that is healthy, normal and beautiful. When someone denies themself food, wnother basic physiological necessity, we call it a disorder. This might be one as well and it needs to be though out, talked over with your partner or perhaps a professional. It’s not fair to your parter either, as he or she has time and emotions invested in you. Something’s got to give.

Unless there’s a more serious physical or psychological condition behind this feeling of shame (and those can also be dealt with), I have a little theory as to why many women might cary this feeling of shame during or after sexual activities. I’m still working on this, but hear me out: Women are taught to be nice, quiet, clean, gentle and generally well behaved from a very early age. Minding not to rip or stain that new pink outfit they crammed us into becomes a full time job by the time we’re 5 years old. In the meantime, most of the boys are outside in the mud, throwing some round shaped object or another around at each other and climbing trees. Mommy gives them a little scolding and that’s about the end of it. Boy will be boys, right? And then we grow up, minding to cross our legs, be poised at all times, careful not to bruise, remove hair from body parts we never knew we had, smile, speak in a soft voice… or be called a loud feminist dyke if you don’t do all of the above and more. Being something in between is unfathomable to most, especially men. Having an attractive, well dressed, sexy, educated woman sit at a dinner table and comment on how much she enjoys giving her husband head just doesn’t seem right to ‘society’. But it’s cool for men to comment about oral sex, within reason, most of the time. Girls, mark these words – a lady is a woman who behaves adequately in any given situation. Showing up at a neighbourhood barbeque in a cocktail dress or being nice and soft spoken in the sack WILL NOT make you a lady. And there is nothing more beautiful to a man than a woman in mid orgasm.  Oh, and by the way, I kicked around a ball in the mud and tore my pink dresses while climbing trees when I was a kid. Never got scolded for it much either.

5. “I’ve slowed down. I’ve gained weight. I’m tired.”
Precisely because you have or you feel that way – SEX IS A MUST. Find the positions that will suit you best in these cases. Try something new. I’m going to take us back to the elements listed under #1 in this list – they also help your breathing and enhance several other bodily functions that will lead to a stable metabolism and biorhythm. You will have a healthier appetite, sleep better and be in shape again. Needless to say, the pounds will literally just melt away. Is there any better or faster workout routine than sex? You’ll be toned and sleeping like a baby.  By the by, falling asleep or feeling sleepy right after sex isn’t just a “guy thing”. Men just have orgasms much more often than women and this leaves them relaxed and truly tired. They get the “job” done, simple as that. If you aren’t feeling like you should be nodding off to sleep after sex, you’re not doing it right. Go back and do it again. Scoot now, get to work!

6. “I’m bored with sex.”
This is just slighly different than the “I don’t have the will for sex anymore” excuse. And it’s still an excuse, but you’ve ce a little farther in thinking about what might be the reason for this excuse. If you’re in a steady relationship, it’s either time to change something, move on or take a look at what you might need to change in your own behaviour. If you aren’t in a steady relationship, who else could be the one to blame but you? The other ‘stuff’ in your life, however important, should not be affecting your sex life. Yet your sex life, or lack thereof, can definitely have a huge impact on the rest of your life.  You can’t be bored with sex. No one has ever gotten bored of good sex. The problem is probably minor and somewhere in you or your immediate circumstances. Again, I’m going to recommend the activities we went over in #3 on this list and strongly at that. As a supportive therapy, talking and experimenting with your partner or partners is also a must.  You need something to spark your interest again and it’s not just going to come along and sweep you off your feet. No, this is something you have to do, for yourself and pretty much on your own. Knock yourself out (with plenty of sexual activity, if possible).

7. “I can’t to meet anyone/find a partner.”
Now I’ve just had it with this one.  Bull. Shit. Honestly, I don’t even have time to go through the rant that comes to mind when I hear this crap. Some of the ugliest people on Earth have copulated and had offspring, certain polititians have time to run a state, country, have a wife, family and still get some on the side and you expect us to believe that you can’t get a dtae or get laid??? Your mom may buy this bull from you but don’t come selling it round these parts again, ok? First, you might want to try joining the other kids out on the playground if you expect anyone to ask you to play. Nobody’s going to come looking for you while you’re sulking in the school library on a sunny day like this. Not gonna happen. Put on your jacket, step outside, check out what’s going on on the playground, and then decide if you want to jump rope, play catch, shoot some hoops or join the chess club. Wahtever, just step outside already. No one’s going to beg you to come. Ok, they might beg later.  But you have to learn the game well first.