From early childhood, social “norms” have taught us to hide our most intimate parts. Far be it we should look at someone else’s primary or secondary sexual characteristics, even in two-dimensional form. Society enforces unnatural concepts into what little intellect we have at the time, up to the point where we begin to be ashamed of our bodies even when we stand naked alone. No more of that. Enough. Step back – into your childhood. When humans are very small, babies and toddlers even, they touch themselves where and when they find it pleasing. A small child explores the world around it with all its senses, lets others know how it feels about the things it finds and what it wants through natural sounds and motions. Then we grow into adults, supposedly advancing. We advance to such a state that for one of the most natural and greatest of pleasures and expressions of humanity – we turn the lights off, close our eyes, often turn our heads away to the side, tense up, shut our mouths and try to be as quiet as possible so that the neighbors won’t think we might be doing… well, what we, in fact, are doing. If that’s the way you’re going to be “adult” about it, you’re better off not having come out of the womb at all! You were perfectly tensed up, in the dark and without sense of taste of smell in there. Hopefully, you’ve gotten to know your own body well enough by now. Let’s move on to getting to know your partner. First and foremost in getting to know your sexual partner and the world around you in general, are taste and smell. It is precisely because of that that oral sex is often a part of foreplay or sex itself.

Technique

VIII Fanny's beauties displayed - Édouard-Henri Avril (1843-1928)

Ladies first, I’ll be getting the guys in my next post, so we’ll begin by talking about cunnilingus. The very word comes from the Latin words ‘cunnis’, meaning vulva, and ‘lingis’, meaning to lick, which should be self-explanatory. I said, “to lick”. Not to suck and certainly not to attempt all sorts of other activities with your mouth, usually accompanied by slurping and other horrific sounding noises. Sucking, and mild at that, along with the use of the tip of the tongue placed gently between your front teeth, comes later when the clitoris is well prepared for it.

For starters, you want to make gentle circular motions around the clit with your tongue and ‘explore’ that whole area, including the vaginal lips and entrance into the vagina. Relax your tongue. The tongue is a muscle and, when flexed, turns hard and rough, usually causing an unpleasant sensation in an already sensitive area, rather than the pleasurable one we’re going for here. I repeat, do not approach the clitoris directly from the underside, especially not with a flexed, “pointy” tip of the tongue. The only worse thing you could do is to attempt to show off your oral skills by quickly flapping that flexed tongue tip around said area. Yes, women like snakes. The ones in men’s pants. That particular protective part of skin around the clitoris is there for a reason, because the clitoris is sensitive and full of nerve endings! Personally, I’ve had the experience of having an orgasm, if the situation was exciting and enticing enough, just by crossing my legs, then flexing and rubbing my inner thighs against each other in a seated position. Yes, in the middle of dinner, at the table, in a restaurant. That’s how sensitive the clitoris is.

What women say about sucking during cunnilingus:

The entire region around the entrance to the vagina should be licked like an ice cream in a cone, with a wide, relaxed tongue and enjoyment. On one of my favorite shows, Nip/Tuck, the darling (to many of us chicks of all ages) Dr. Troy advises his partner and colleague to spell out the Alphabet twice around the clit with his tongue the next time he gets into the gritty of oral sex. I’d like to add a touch to that advice, spell the Alphabet out just once, but add the letter ‘M’ between each letter. By the time you get to “JMKMLM…” she’ll be in trouble.

Of course, use your lips as well. Both the vagina and the penis are a body part of the person you feel enough positive emotions toward to be able to share your body and intimacy with. If full, juicy kisses on the neck and spine make the vaginal juices flow – what do you think the effect of such kisses on the “hot spot” itself will be? On to the next step then. When you sense that she’s ready, I’d recommend picking up the pace a little and adding more pressure. Feel free to be a little more forceful with both tongue and lips at this point. Then involve your hands too and not just by putting two fingers together and sticking them inside the vaginal entrance. Very dull and you will rarely get much of an effect. When using fingers at all, use them slowly and systematically, while the lips and mouth work at a somewhat faster pace. The palm of your hand should be facing upward and the two (or more) fingers slightly bent (we’re going for the G spot here, boys, let’s see if it works). Slip the fingers slowly in just to the first finger joint, then pull out slowly. Do that a few times and keep working the mouth. Then slip your fingers into the vaginal entrance up to the second joint, pull out and repeat a few times (no rinsing involved here, licking’s cool though if that’s your thing). When you feel her opening up to you, perhaps even a few sweet, small muscle tremors in the area, then feel free do go in deeper and harder.

How to sense when she’s “ready”?

Easy. In women, just like in men, the area between the legs and the clitoris fill up with blood when they’re sexually excited. Believe it or not, women also feel a painful pressure in the groin area when you leave us hanging. So we’ve already mentioned that the clitoris is in many ways the equivalent to the penis head in males. When the clit swells up (sometimes up to 2 or 3 times its normal size), she’s ready. At this point, not only is sucking allowed, it’s entirely called for. Rough, full, yet rhythmic and constant suction and release on the clitoris (approaching the clit directly is also allowed now), in combination with massage of the vaginal entrance using fingers only is the recipe for this stage. You might also consider adding, if you’re an able multitasker, a strong but slow, wavelike massage outside the vagina, just above the mons pubic, or Venus mound, while working the clitoris with a full, wide tongue or juicy suction. This is another way to add pleasant pleasure to the G spot, which will often lead to a full orgasm instead of “just” a clitoral orgasm. Et voila, you have the female orgasm, right there at your fingertips. Or lips. By the way, the vast majority of yomen physically don’t need more than 6 or 7 minutes to reach an orgasm. They just need to be relaxed enough by the time you cut to the chase and shouldn’t have their relaxed pleasure interrupted by swift, sharp attacks of the tongue or fingers directly aimed at the unprotected clitoris (this stops the process entirely and you may as well be starting all over again).

Stay Relaxed

For the “performer” to enjoy this as well, I always suggest finding a comfortable position for your head, so that you won’t end up straining any muscles in the neck and back. Once you have mastered this basic technique, feel free to innovate, use additional equipment or anything that either you or your partner might enjoy. Oh, yeah, and another little piece of advice: in order to be as relaxed as possible and just after you’ve started with cunnilingus, stop for short periods of time and make her ring her hips and clitoris towards you while kissing the area gently close enough, yet just far away enough. Just be careful when she can’t take it anymore and grabs your head.

Oral Protection

Using lubes, or lubricants, is recommended for most sexual activities, but those with active substances like spermicides should be avoided for oral sex. There are lubes, of various types and flavors, for this precise purpose. You should also avoid using natural lubricants or cosmetic products that might be used as lubricants, especially if they’ve been open for a while or are dairy based, as they can cause the appearance or multiplication of bacteria.  Oral dams are aslo recommended and a must if you are even contemplating involving the anus during oral sex. The point is to stay clean and healthy so you can practice oral sex as often as possible and without negative consequences of any kind. Bonne appétit!